And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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