Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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