I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
