when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
