so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
