Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
