This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
