Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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