lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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