I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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