the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
