She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
