cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
