white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
