It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
