make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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