I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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