guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just gift wrapped bread.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
