Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
