Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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