I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
is it fun? or sober?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
