sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
