If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
