Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Everyone says I win the strip club
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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