Non-Jews are for practice
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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