Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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