I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
