hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
