Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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