Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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