so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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