sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
