dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
These tits shall not be calmed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
