A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
