why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we're making bets on your personal life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
