i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
