Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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