My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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