He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
