highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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