oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
