don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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