the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
