Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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