i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
