I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
