pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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