Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
