just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
