I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
