Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
