I wish you could order shots online.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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